Common Agreement on Addressing Conflict

Interests and Principles we are trying to serve with this agreement:
 

Conflicts are unavoidable in human relations.  Conflicts can, in fact, be used as a means of building trust, opening up new possibilities, creating innovative solutions to problems, and strengthening relationships.  On the other hand, avoiding conflict or approaching our differences in an adversarial manner will destroy the essence of community: interdependence based on trust and cooperation.  Our intention is to be direct and honest with each other, transforming concerns and conflicts into issues to be faced in an open and focused way.  We hope to keep a balanced perspective, respecting the depth of one another’s feelings, but not taking ourselves too seriously in the grand scheme of things.  When conflict arises or threatens to arise, we hope to maintain the sense of humor and playfulness that makes it possible for us explore new ways of living together.
 

Smaller Interpersonal Conflicts

 When personal disagreements occur, we encourage a mutually respectful problem solving approach between those who have the disagreement.  Respect suggests that we accept and affirm the ways in which we are different due to distinct histories, various deeply held beliefs, personalities, and communication styles.  We will avoid attacking one another’s persons, each one attempting instead to speak about his or her particular concerns and feelings.  When hurt or angry feelings exist, it may be appropriate to take time apart to cool down and contemplate the situation before coming together again at a mutually agreed upon space and time to resolve the problem.  Conflict resolution does not require the persons involved to come to agreement on the issues, but rather to find a way to continue to live well and work cooperatively in the Community.

 
The persons involved in a conflict are expected to talk first with one another and avoid gossiping about the problem with others within or around the Community.  On the other hand, we do not discourage each other from seeking the council of others in order to gain greater self-understanding.  If the persons involved are unable to resolve their conflict, they are encouraged to jointly seek assistance from another mutually agreed upon person(s).  We may first seek help from another member of the community, particularly if the conflict is centered in community life.  Counsel or mediation may also be received from a friend not living in the Community or from a professional mediator.

 
Group Conflict

 
When conflicts arise which involve several members of the Community or which relate to specific aspects of our common life, we will air the conflicts as they arise, either in meetings or in the course of other group activities.  We will practice open communication by sharing our feelings and concerns.  In matters involving our life together as a community, we will share information freely among all community members so that all may be fully involved in the resolution of conflicts.  Should we reach an impasse on some conflictive issue that may threaten the life of the Community, we will seek assistance, as agreed upon through our consensus process, from others who have experience with life in intentional communities.

 As a community, we will work to create a social environment of transparency, tolerance, respect, empathy and understanding among the members, all of which will help to resolve conflicts at Egrets’ Cove.

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